What children learn from Bible stories

Tessa is saying her bedtime prayers:

"...and Jesus don't let the king cut my baby sister in half."

Come Sale Away

Mamma & Tessa are in the car on the way to the grocery store.

"Mamma, can we buy grapes?"

"Maybe. If they're on sale."

"SAIL! SAIL! I wanna go on the big boat again!"

FACT...

Place bright red button in the ladies room of a major metropolitan mall...and the three-year-old WILL press it.

"I'm really sorry officer. She's THREE."

Do you know...

Mamma and Tessa go out to eat at a Japanese restaurant...we eat at the a hibachi grill.

Tessa asks the chef, "Hey! Are you the Muffin Man?"

Bay Bee Come Baack!

Tessa is climbing in and out of the clothes hamper.

Mama is quietly folding laundray, deep in though about her now defunked love life, barely paying attention to the activity around her.

Tessa starts singing with near perfect pitch, "bay bee come baack!"

Who's the Boss?

Mama works from home half the week. When you work from home...you're always at work.

4:00 AM
Tessa peers through the top stairwell railing into mama's office. With blinking eyes and a disqusted tone she scolds, "Maa ma! What are you still doing up? It's dark out. GO TO BED!"

All Better?

6:00 AM
Mama carefully crawls out of bed. She shouldn't be up but she can't cancel a client meeting AGAIN because she's sick. Tessa bursts through the bedroom door excitedly exclaiming, "YOU ALL BETTER!"

The sudden burst of energy causes mama to jump back, startled...and perhaps cause her to give one of her death-to-anyone-who-makes-a-sound looks.

Tessa seems confused. "You not all better?"

Mamma moans.

"But Mary said if I let you sleep you get all better."

Who's Fleece Was White As Snow...

Mama's sick. Friends come over to help with baths and tuck the girls into bed.

"Mary's coming over to give you a bath."

Tessa thinks for a moment. "Mary had a little lamb, Mary?"

Fly baby! FLY!!

Tessa's passport was ordered today. She's ready to fly the coupe. Now all we need is a destination!

Signs you may have a preschooler infestation

The moring ritual gone violent

Mamma is combing Tessa's hair.

Tessa is being overdramatic about the amount of suffering this is causing.

"Hold still."

"Stop it or my hair will BITE YOU!"

Big sister

Little sister is at her two-month well baby visit.

Big sister positions herself at the examining table between two nurses about to give little sister four vaccines...with needles.

Little sister begins to cry.

Big sister’s face gets very worried and her lower lip starts to quiver.

Little sister begins to wail.

Big sister starts to cry.

Mamma is torn. Who should she comfort first?

Little sister is flailing and wailing.

Big sister’s face turns bright as she excitedly points at her baby sister’s blood poked thighs screaming, “BANDAIDS!! Mamma. I want a Band-Aid!”

Butter knife 1: Preschooler 0