Timed Out

"Tessa, get upstairs to your bed!"

"NO!"

With clenched teeth, "Tessa Marie! Upstairs to your bed. NOW!"

"OK. But I'm only staying up there ONE hour."

When to Start Sex Education

"Mamma? Can I call Timmy...Timmy is my boyfriend?" Tessa is looking at herself in the mirror. She is dressed as a mermaid for a pirate party at Timmy's house.

"Do you want Timmy to be your boyfriend?"

"Yeah."

"Do you know what a boyfriend is?"

"Yeah. It's when you kiss boys like this." Tessa slobbers over the back of her hand as she cocks her head clockwise then counter-clockwise while humming, "Mmm mmm mmm."

As mamma takes a moment to think about how she's going to address the situation Tessa announces. "I'm going to wear the princess outfit so my belling can stick out."

Boyz is Bad

Mamma is wiping down Tessa' closet mirrors as Tessa plays beside her. "Mamma. Boyz is bad."

"Oh?"

"Yeah," she say pointing at the spray bottle, "Boyz will kill you."

"Do you mean, poison?"

"Yeah, Boyzon."

How to Tell If a Parent is Unfaithful

Tessa's sister is the hospital. There was no I'll-see-you-in-a-few-days-goodbye when mamma dropped Tessa off at daycare four days earlier. During the tucking-her-into-bed-by-phone session she asks mamma to come home. Mamma tries to explain the situation but Tessa blurts out suspiciously...."MAMMA! ARE YOU CAMPING?!"